1. Getting help, seeking help and listening to others while they’re trying to help has always been a problem for me. Of course it’s an ego issue and I’m trying to figure out how I developed that and how I can overcome that is a big part of my life right now.

    As long as I can remember my family was not so structured or it was never in a stable place for anyone in my family to properly teach me anything (I’ve seen this in few Tamil families that have had to flee the war) but I was always expected to do things properly and not make a mistake. This made me self conscious. Even to this date, I’m apprehensive about making a mistake or somehow looking like a fool if I do.

    Somehow not allowing myself to make mistakes have made me hide them to other people to the extent I take it upon myself to learn everything on my own.

    I used to think one of the saddest moments in my life is that I had to learn to ride a bike all by myself in gr 8. It was relatively sad cause I used to yearn for the moments on television where the father and son had a bonding moment during this rite of passage.

    Now that I’m older it’s not so sad ‘cause I know people who went through the same thing and some who have never learned to ride a bike at all.

    Anyways back to my point, even if people instruct me on how to do something, it takes a great deal of effort for me to accept it and come to terms with that. I have gotten better though, primarily by allowing myself to be more receptive to constructive feedback/critiques.

    Perhaps every time someone has tried to teach me something i can never understand it. I’m the kind of person that learns things as I do it, so it rarely benefits me when someone instructs me. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to learn like that.

     

  2. the sky kneads the sun
    into submission, 
    slouching on a cloud
    the gods must be bored;
    and then the
    thunder borrows my heartbeat

     

  3. most times I feel this kind of helplessness in dreams even if I’m having a happy one; like the decisions in my dreams are not mine to make. Anyone else feel like that?

     

  4. Breaking bread with blood

     

  5. Gotham - A review in Sonnet

    Gotham engulfed in crime; it needs a change
    The Cat- a metaphor for the city?
    walks us through darkness and everything strange
    Screams of young Bruce, we can hardly pity
    we see detective Gordon’s wit and strength
    is it enough for Gotham? we’ll find out-
    with Bruce, he goes to a personal length;
    comforts his fear in a promise of doubt
    Gordon’s big chase, Barbara’s mystery?
    methinks it reveals more than just a date
    Mooney, Falcone, and Penguin’s history;
    Gordon gets a taste, learns all about hate
           let us wait and see how young Gordon grows
           as Gotham brings him many fearful blows.

     

  6. If social media platforms were real people

    Facebook: is the type of friend that’s actually just an acquaintance; you know you need their help one day, you just don’t know when.

    Instagram: the person that’s always there at parties but no one really knows who invited them.

    LinkedIn: the friend that always tells you they got connections in high places and will get you a job but never follows through

    Snapchat: that one friend you always want to punch in the face

    Twitter: is the friend you go to vent and make fun of people.

    Tumblr: the type of friend that validates your awkwardness and tells you: “look there are other weird people just like you out there”

    Vine: that one friend that’s always doing magic tricks and walks around with a deck of cards

     

  7. And the feeling of home
    never existed-
    ‘till your blood
    rushed to meet mine

     

  8. purging is also a part of creation #recreatetocreate

     

  9. The 9 movies at TIFF14 I saw and their reviews in Haikus

    Black and White

    Finally a film
    about race, sympathetic
    towards the white guy

    Samba

    humanizing lives
    of the undocumented;
    attempted mainstream

    St. Vincent

    Bill Murray gambles,
    drinks, smokes, fucks, fights, cries, laughs, loves,
    pets cat, becomes saint.

    Laggies

    have a quarter-life
    crisis? befriend a teenage
    girl, and fuck her dad

    La French (aka the connection)

    Once you get past all
    the good looking people, and
    clothes, story unfolds

    The New Girlfriend

    sexuality
    and gender identity;
    simplified shopping 

    Haemoo

    Don’t smuggle people
    on a broken fishing boat,
    'cause shit will happen

    While We’re Young

    sarcastic hipster
    bashing with Ben Stiller, then
    we learn a lesson

    Infinitely Polar Bear

    what happens when the
    Hulk gets mad- not green and big?
    A lot of cute things.

     

  10. 'cause happiness isn't all about smiles and laughter
    it sometimes holds tears and sorrow that come after
    it holds love and fear in a pillow
    it holds darkness under the light 
    and it’ll wait for you
    because you need the time to hold the sadness
    just a bit longer,
    just a bit tighter
    before you can let it go
    and
    it’s okay,
    If the night is never dark enough
    if the moon is never whole enough
    and you don’t need to make excuses
    to exist in your mind
    and it’s okay-
    if you don’t have words for politeness
    because of all the goodbyes
    you’ve had to say.